With the absolute confidence of a pre-schooler, I throw back my little shoulders, take a deep breath and begin to reply, “My mummy says…”
The officer never gets to find out what Mummy says because Mummy swiftly moves us along before he hears the rest: “that you’re not nice to Black people”. It’s the height of the Apartheid era. Travelling alone with two small children, Mummy doesn’t want to find out what happens next when you criticise the South African government at passport control.
Though I’m sorry that the passport control official didn’t hear a small child denounce racism, I love that my mum was teaching me about the importance of civil rights at around the same time I would have been learning to read.
And that was just one lesson from Mum. In honour of her 70th birthday, I bring you
Things I have learnt from my mum
Mum loves clothes and loves shopping for those clothes, a deep and abiding love that she has passed on to me (and my sister).
From a young age she taught me to embrace, and experiment with, colour. Perhaps more importantly, she encouraged me to develop my own look. In the late 70s and early 80s, when most of my contemporaries favoured pretty dresses and patent leather Mary Janes, my style could probably best be described as dungarees+rainbow-coloured-beanies-with-ear-flaps+Mr-Bump-wellies. Suffice to say not much has changed... because Mum gave me the freedom to dress as I wanted from the outset.
While she is probably surprised to see this category – she is an excellent cook and keeps a clean and organised home, whereas I am an uninspired cook with shoddy domestic habits – she did impart one important life lesson in this arena:
Baking.
I was the envy of my school friends for the homemade biscuits and slices that graced my lunchbox, and there was always cake in the pantry (and actually still is, mostly). As a child, every time I heard the sound of Kenwood Chef I would materialise by her side. It was the promise of a bowl to lick that attracted me, but in shadowing her every move I also learned how to cream, whip, beat and fold like a pro. My friends are grateful and so am I.
Academic stuff
From transforming the contents of World Book Encyclopaedia into my own words, to composing and proof-reading essays, mum taught me at least as much about writing as my school teachers did. She instilled in me an understanding of the mechanics of language and the importance of clarity, logic and correct spelling… skills that I continue to use today as an editor and writer.
Mum also taught me how to study. She would patiently quiz me on all subjects when I was younger, until I learned how to create my own self-tests, making a brief but vital reappearance for the great history meltdown of Year 12. Though not a believer in cramming as a primary strategy, she also imparted the saying, “It’s never too late.” Those words have served me well.
In theory we learned how to knit at school but it was mum who made sure I could do more than just knit someone else’s cast-on stitches. I’m still an avid knitter and one of the reasons I find it calming is that I learned how to do it early… those techniques are embedded in my body.
Strangely I also credit Mum with my love of sewing, in spite of the fact that she herself doesn't know how to use a sewing machine. Why? Partly because her inability to make us costumes for school plays and dance concerts inspired me to learn, but also because she valued me learning a skill she didn't have herself.
And so to
Things that are not lessons (but that I'm grateful for)
Mum and I have led very different lives. She left home to move overseas at 19, got married at 20 and had two kids by 26. I left home at 25 to move two suburbs away, have remained within a 10km radius of my parents' home for much of the intervening time, and have no kids.
But every time I strike out in a direction that is nothing like her own, she is supportive and proud, whether it be auditioning for WAAPA, running a ballet school or starting up an online arts magazine. And that goes beyond moral support- she did the books for Classical Dance Studio for over 15 years and for Seesaw Magazine until we were able to employ a finance manager.
That's another thing about mum. With experience in accounting, tax, property management and settlements, she's knows a lot of practical, useful stuff when it comes to running a small business... and indeed running a small life.
Hence...
Chief advisor
When my sister and I were kids, mum had a bumper sticker that said, “Mommy’s always right” (American, hence the spelling). That’s a big call… but I would go so far as to say she’s rarely wrong.
I consult her across a wide range of topics, from grammar, to tax laws, to history, to “this has been in my fridge for x days, do you think it’s still ok to eat?”. She is also an excellent sounding board for personal and work issues; calm, patient and generous.
And above all, she is my friend.
I love you more than I can say Mum! Happy birthday.